Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
