dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're a waste of cheezeits
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
