I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
