the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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