Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
