Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
