this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
