and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
