Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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