She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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