youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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