somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
too bad you live with your parents still
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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