I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
