I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
