maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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