haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
