we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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