Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
