she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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