you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have demons in me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
