I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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