Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
