your parents love me but you hate me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
