They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
