i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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