There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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