yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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