Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
