Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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