eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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