Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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