The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
