We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Green mimosas i think yes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
