cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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