Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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