I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
