Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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