Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
