no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
