ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
