I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
