dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The air taste purple.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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