Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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