u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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