Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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