Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
