You just made me feel so damn special
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
