The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
