She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
