she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
