i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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