we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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