You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
