I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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