I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
