one might say we're banned from that church
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
