you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
