You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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