I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
