How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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