He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
