I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
