Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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