My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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