I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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