I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
