We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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