hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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