I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
