That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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