Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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