Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
