The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
