He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
